I hope what i had given you .. you won't threw it away , in fact, i hope you take it and make it as memories. Alot of things I've kept to myself , it had never been easy . Don't talk about trust yet . Its not trust it's my way of controlling the past,my emotion and myself . I know I've change , I know . It's not easy , it had never been . I did not expect the circumstances to be like this. Its doing it to me. I know whats gonna happen to the future I know. I sacrifice myself for you because i love you. I know it may seem very hard to understand. Im not asking you to be in my shoes . But face it,im struggling right now. Im not blaming anyone. Im blaming myself , cause at first place i knew what is going to happen , i knew . But i didt expect it to hit me real hard. I know I've changed,i know ... Give me time , cause im confused with myself , why? cause im afriad . I've been understanding people so much until i forgot that i need to understand myself before others . Let me fix myself for awhile . Im at the loosing edge and it hurts .To have this feeling of giving up to myself when i know I had made you into a better person . I swore i had never felt this way before . I thought i was strong enough but i need to be stronger . You've given all out to change. I see that . Its not you right now , its me . Im struggling really bad ,swear had i never ,ever had this feeling. Maybe,I've kept it to myself for a very long time until it breaks down . I thought i could ,but i was wrong. I never regret loving you . I regret not loving myself .... Let me take this blame darla ... I had no clue right now .... trying to figure out myself what had i gone wrong. Its frustrating ,it suck,BIG time. It really is . I dont know how to make these words into sentences its jumbling up everywhere . I need to be strong and i am one. I can get through this , i can . Now,let me have a breather....before i text you.. let me relax .... I dont wanna pour out everything to you . I know theres no use of me crying over a spilled milk . No i had no one else. I don't . Believe me when i said i am a faithful girl.. I had fall , and its time for me to get back up with my own feet . Its so much pain in my chest .. Hope im not too late before everything that belongs to you and me , began to belong to someone else ... we fight , we fuss , and everything seem that nothing is right .. but slowly ,it make sense. I just want to hear one thing .. just one.. Im not asking for more. Pardon me darling , if i had hurt you . I did not have any tension to do that to you ... I know you are thinking , what happen to the old me,why she is like this,Why she is not entertaining me like she used too.. Lastly , Why have she changed .. .. Its hard to explain . Its hard to say it , It is ... unspoken to me.. For what i know , the past keeps bugging me .. im trying . To you , it seem that i am not trying .. but i am . Hang in there darla ... im trying to pick myself up ... love you.
Labels: happy 14th
